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Get free or ego die trying 🙏🏾 • I dreamt last night I was taking off a mask. I had been wearing a mask hoping it would reshape my face. I was living in a society where everyone had on masks and didn’t want to take them off till their face has been “perfectly” formed. When I took my mask off, my face hadn’t reformed, nor did it look different. When I took the mask off I felt relief. My face was sweaty and uncomfortable with this rigid tight mask on. When I looked at my face I didn’t see anything wrong with it. I just felt aware of how restrictive and repressive that mask has been.
Get free or ego die trying 🙏🏾 • I dreamt last night I was taking off a mask. I had been wearing a mask hoping it would reshape my face. I was living in a society where everyone had on masks and didn’t want to take them off till their face has been “perfectly” formed. When I took my mask off, my face hadn’t reformed, nor did it look different. When I took the mask off I felt relief. My face was sweaty and uncomfortable with this rigid tight mask on. When I looked at my face I didn’t see anything wrong with it. I just felt aware of how restrictive and repressive that mask has been.
“To be human is to need others, and this is no flaw or weakness.” - Sue Johnson, “The Love Secret” • We need each other. We need community. I NEED COMMUNITY. Healing requires community. Community is not just being around people, community requires vulnerability. Vulnerability holds the alchemical nectar that transforms pain into wholeness. • • Community is like a garden. It requires attention and constant tending and curiosity. Unconditional tending to, not just when it’s sunny and warm but also when windy and cold. Same for community. My prayer is we learn to come together not just when it’s a joyful occasion but also to carry each other in our most tender moments. • • Thank you to all who came to THE SUN ☀️ PORTAL and shared your presence and energy. Special thanks to my co facilitators @danielleelainebenjamin & @doepaoro for dreaming into this space with me. • • ☀️☀️☀️☀️☀️☀️sat nam
“To be human is to need others, and this is no flaw or weakness.” - Sue Johnson, “The Love Secret” • We need each other. We need community. I NEED COMMUNITY. Healing requires community. Community is not just being around people, community requires vulnerability. Vulnerability holds the alchemical nectar that transforms pain into wholeness. • • Community is like a garden. It requires attention and constant tending and curiosity. Unconditional tending to, not just when it’s sunny and warm but also when windy and cold. Same for community. My prayer is we learn to come together not just when it’s a joyful occasion but also to carry each other in our most tender moments. • • Thank you to all who came to THE SUN ☀️ PORTAL and shared your presence and energy. Special thanks to my co facilitators @danielleelainebenjamin & @doepaoro for dreaming into this space with me. • • ☀️☀️☀️☀️☀️☀️sat nam
H A P P Y 🌞 S U M M E R S O L S T I C E • Blessing on this summer solstice when we are blesses by Father Sun’s kiss (in the Northern Hemisphere) and we are invited to go deep into our psyche to bring the same stillness that the sun brings us today. The Sun actually stands still today, it happened at 8:54am this morning. That moment of peace, stillness, and deep knowing. Our souls crave this stillness. And there are ways we can give it to them.• • There’s still space to join me, @doepaoro & @danielleelainebenjamin at @hotspotyogaoakland (park Blvd) tomorrow Saturday 6/22/19 for THE SUN PORTAL; a Mini Summer Solstice Retreat with Cacao Ceremony, Kundalini Yoga, Plant Meditations & Sacred Crystal Singing Bowl Sound Bath. Link in bio to register! SAT NAM 🌞 • May the longtime sun shine upon you All love surround you And the pure light within you Guide your way on • #kundaliniyoga #kundaliniyogateacher #oaklandyoga #hotspotyo #bayareayoga #bayareakundaliniyoga #oaklandkundalini #oaklandkundaliniyoga #satnam #cacaoceremony #summersolstice #summersolsticeevent • • Image by : @circa78designs
H A P P Y 🌞 S U M M E R S O L S T I C E • Blessing on this summer solstice when we are blesses by Father Sun’s kiss (in the Northern Hemisphere) and we are invited to go deep into our psyche to bring the same stillness that the sun brings us today. The Sun actually stands still today, it happened at 8:54am this morning. That moment of peace, stillness, and deep knowing. Our souls crave this stillness. And there are ways we can give it to them.• • There’s still space to join me, @doepaoro & @danielleelainebenjamin at @hotspotyogaoakland (park Blvd) tomorrow Saturday 6/22/19 for THE SUN PORTAL; a Mini Summer Solstice Retreat with Cacao Ceremony, Kundalini Yoga, Plant Meditations & Sacred Crystal Singing Bowl Sound Bath. Link in bio to register! SAT NAM 🌞 • May the longtime sun shine upon you All love surround you And the pure light within you Guide your way on • #kundaliniyoga #kundaliniyogateacher #oaklandyoga #hotspotyo #bayareayoga #bayareakundaliniyoga #oaklandkundalini #oaklandkundaliniyoga #satnam #cacaoceremony #summersolstice #summersolsticeevent • • Image by : @circa78designs
I love this little girl so much. She’s so cute, sweet & innocent. She’s so easy to love. When I forget my own cuteness, sweetness, innocence & lovability - I look at this photo and I remember this little girl is within me and so all of her magic is also. I also remember that she deserves an adult with a healthy self image so it is essential that I never lose track of who I AM in a world obsessed with facades and having women feel bad about themselves, I owe it to me and her (and our ancestors) to affirm our magic every fucking moment.
I love this little girl so much. She’s so cute, sweet & innocent. She’s so easy to love. When I forget my own cuteness, sweetness, innocence & lovability - I look at this photo and I remember this little girl is within me and so all of her magic is also. I also remember that she deserves an adult with a healthy self image so it is essential that I never lose track of who I AM in a world obsessed with facades and having women feel bad about themselves, I owe it to me and her (and our ancestors) to affirm our magic every fucking moment.
Full Moon in Sagittarius tomorrow, Monday 6/17. Sagittarius is ruled by the planet of abundance, optimism, good fortune and expansion, Jupiter, so it’s only right we align with the energy of prosperity tomorrow! We will be doing a powerful kriya, Subagh Kriya which is aligns ya with good luck and opportunities for the resources we need. • • Join me on Instagram Live tomorrow, Monday 6/17 at 8am PST/11a EST to join in with this powerful Kundalini Kriya! Sat Nam 🙏🏾 • • #kundaliniyoga #kundaliniyogateacher #satnam #kundaliniyogaonline
no filter bowing to the Great Mystery prayers for healing 7 generations forward and back
no filter bowing to the Great Mystery prayers for healing 7 generations forward and back
Father’s Day. My relationship to fathering is full spectrum. It’s both sweet and bitter. I loved my father as a child, I wanted his love so badly. I wanted him to love me. I wanted to secure that he would stay with me despite the tumultuous relationship he and my mom had. • Even though I was full of love, I could not make my parents stay together. And I couldn’t make my father love me the way I wanted him to. I still bang my head on the wall about this and I still see this dynamic playing out in how I date and whom I date. It’s been an ongoing practice to learn that I cannot make anyone love me. And that the way people love or can love looks differently. • My father wound has been bleeding the last week. I’m noticing fear of never having a partner come up, and the haunting thoughts that there is something “wrong” with me because I keep attracting situationships that end with me experiencing the familiar sensation of abandonment that I experienced as a child with my father. • I feel rage. THIS IS UNFAIR! why did I have to have this experience?! why why why why why, my inner child asks. And I have no rationale answer to give her. I don’t know why. But all I can do is soothe her and remind her that this experience is NO reflection of her. It’s a reflection of trauma, of institutional racism and dehumanization or Black peoples and Black family, it’s a reflection of toxic masculinity and repressed emotions. It’s a reflection of so much pain in the world that is not the responsibility of my inner child to feel for her father. I release her needing to be the receptacle for all his feeling or any man’s feelings or anyone’s unfelt feelings. • Learning to re-father myself means full permission to FEEL MY feelings and not emotionally over work for the men in my life who haven’t been taught or well practiced in feeling. • Happy Fathers Day. I vow to stop doing any emotional labor for the fathers in my life and the men in my life. I know this is the most precious give I can give to both you and myself. 🙏🏾 • PS I wanted to talk about daughters who dim their beauty & sexual energy to not make their fathers/uncles/men “uncomfortable” but I’ll save that one
Father’s Day. My relationship to fathering is full spectrum. It’s both sweet and bitter. I loved my father as a child, I wanted his love so badly. I wanted him to love me. I wanted to secure that he would stay with me despite the tumultuous relationship he and my mom had. • Even though I was full of love, I could not make my parents stay together. And I couldn’t make my father love me the way I wanted him to. I still bang my head on the wall about this and I still see this dynamic playing out in how I date and whom I date. It’s been an ongoing practice to learn that I cannot make anyone love me. And that the way people love or can love looks differently. • My father wound has been bleeding the last week. I’m noticing fear of never having a partner come up, and the haunting thoughts that there is something “wrong” with me because I keep attracting situationships that end with me experiencing the familiar sensation of abandonment that I experienced as a child with my father. • I feel rage. THIS IS UNFAIR! why did I have to have this experience?! why why why why why, my inner child asks. And I have no rationale answer to give her. I don’t know why. But all I can do is soothe her and remind her that this experience is NO reflection of her. It’s a reflection of trauma, of institutional racism and dehumanization or Black peoples and Black family, it’s a reflection of toxic masculinity and repressed emotions. It’s a reflection of so much pain in the world that is not the responsibility of my inner child to feel for her father. I release her needing to be the receptacle for all his feeling or any man’s feelings or anyone’s unfelt feelings. • Learning to re-father myself means full permission to FEEL MY feelings and not emotionally over work for the men in my life who haven’t been taught or well practiced in feeling. • Happy Fathers Day. I vow to stop doing any emotional labor for the fathers in my life and the men in my life. I know this is the most precious give I can give to both you and myself. 🙏🏾 • PS I wanted to talk about daughters who dim their beauty & sexual energy to not make their fathers/uncles/men “uncomfortable” but I’ll save that one
Me after practicing “Opportunity & Green Energy set” 🌱 “This set attracts opportunities and opens up the gear center. It allows one to approach prosperity from the heart center consciousness or plane of attraction. This consciousness can be summarized as follows: 🌱 🌱 the more I open myself, the more I can attract. I don’t need to struggle: I have the ability to attract opportunities” 🌱 Sat Nam 🙏🏾
Me after practicing “Opportunity & Green Energy set” 🌱 “This set attracts opportunities and opens up the gear center. It allows one to approach prosperity from the heart center consciousness or plane of attraction. This consciousness can be summarized as follows: 🌱 🌱 the more I open myself, the more I can attract. I don’t need to struggle: I have the ability to attract opportunities” 🌱 Sat Nam 🙏🏾
Save the date: Thursday 6/27/19 at 630p 💎 Join me and @kelseywieds at @movewith.studio for another Movement & Sound experience. A beautiful experience of nourishing #Pilates and breathwork to connect you deep into your core accompanied by the sacred sounds of healing crystal bowls that support reducing anxiety, relieving insomnia, and clearing the energetic body and chakras. LINK IN BIO 💎 ・・・ Join Move With Studio for a special evening of Movement + Sound. Kelsey and colleague, Shirley Johnson, will guide you through an extended 75 minute class focused on breath, deep core work, active flexibility and sound healing on June 27th at 6:30pm. . This class is designed to be a moving meditation for all attendees. Shirley will begin the class with breath work designed to ground, center and connect to your body. Kelsey will then lead a 45 minute class that is slower paced, but still focused on deep core activation where breath and movement are in synch. Shirley will assist in the class by playing crystal sound bowls and other instruments that aid in healing and deeper awareness in your body. The class is closed with a 15 minute sound bath and meditation by Shirley where participants will move from their reformer to a lying position on mats. . This is an intimate and unique experience with only 9 spots available. Click link in bio for more info and to reserve your spot!
Save the date: Thursday 6/27/19 at 630p 💎 Join me and @kelseywieds at @movewith.studio for another Movement & Sound experience. A beautiful experience of nourishing #Pilates and breathwork to connect you deep into your core accompanied by the sacred sounds of healing crystal bowls that support reducing anxiety, relieving insomnia, and clearing the energetic body and chakras. LINK IN BIO 💎 ・・・ Join Move With Studio for a special evening of Movement + Sound. Kelsey and colleague, Shirley Johnson, will guide you through an extended 75 minute class focused on breath, deep core work, active flexibility and sound healing on June 27th at 6:30pm. . This class is designed to be a moving meditation for all attendees. Shirley will begin the class with breath work designed to ground, center and connect to your body. Kelsey will then lead a 45 minute class that is slower paced, but still focused on deep core activation where breath and movement are in synch. Shirley will assist in the class by playing crystal sound bowls and other instruments that aid in healing and deeper awareness in your body. The class is closed with a 15 minute sound bath and meditation by Shirley where participants will move from their reformer to a lying position on mats. . This is an intimate and unique experience with only 9 spots available. Click link in bio for more info and to reserve your spot!
Authenticity is a magnet for Prosperity • Many of us have learned the counter to this; that in order to become financially prosperous we will have to work at a job where we will need to repress our authenticity and sacrifice our wholeness for a paycheck and a fantasy of climbing some ladder. So much so that even that some of us have experienced changing so much that we forget who we actually are and we start to actually think we are our work persona (this often leads to some form of psycho spiritual dis-ease). • We learn that who we are and our true nature is in conflict and struggle with prosperity. • Prosperity is way more than just having a job. Prosperity is not only bout money. It’s also about resources, time, and opportunities to live authentically, it’s about vitality and health, and a lifestyle that suits one’s soul. • When we live from an authentic place (note: sometimes we have to do some inquiry to connect wit our authenticity because we may think we are the programming we have subconsciously taken in), we are setting the stage for opportunities that will align with prosperity and what it means for us. If we are only living from a small percentage of authenticity, we limit what is possible for us. As we share more of ourselves, we expand possibility. • • • More about this at my workshop at @girlgangcraft #smallbizsummitoakland on August 17th ! Shine bright! 💎 💎
Authenticity is a magnet for Prosperity • Many of us have learned the counter to this; that in order to become financially prosperous we will have to work at a job where we will need to repress our authenticity and sacrifice our wholeness for a paycheck and a fantasy of climbing some ladder. So much so that even that some of us have experienced changing so much that we forget who we actually are and we start to actually think we are our work persona (this often leads to some form of psycho spiritual dis-ease). • We learn that who we are and our true nature is in conflict and struggle with prosperity. • Prosperity is way more than just having a job. Prosperity is not only bout money. It’s also about resources, time, and opportunities to live authentically, it’s about vitality and health, and a lifestyle that suits one’s soul. • When we live from an authentic place (note: sometimes we have to do some inquiry to connect wit our authenticity because we may think we are the programming we have subconsciously taken in), we are setting the stage for opportunities that will align with prosperity and what it means for us. If we are only living from a small percentage of authenticity, we limit what is possible for us. As we share more of ourselves, we expand possibility. • • • More about this at my workshop at @girlgangcraft #smallbizsummitoakland on August 17th ! Shine bright! 💎 💎

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Scorpio Full Moon Vibes

May 08, 2017

Scorpio Full Moon
Wednesday 5/10/17 | 2:42pm PT

Scorpio rules sex, death and taxes.  It rules all of the things we typically work (usually unconsciously) to not think about; the shadow.  Shadows are the areas in our life that we tend to be working hard to get rid of, to not show about ourselves, and/or to erase from our psyche.  It is that thing we go to therapy to fix or that body part we go on a diet because of.  The irony is that the shadow is usually apparent in some way, even though we may try to kill it...it is indestructible.  It is a part of the soul, is a part of God, and therefore can never be erased or killed.  It will take new forms, swim different paths, but its presence will always be. 

I recently started chanting the 18th pauri as a 40 day practice leading up o my 35th birthday.  This pauri spoke to me as it gives the hope to be able to dissolve the illusion between shadow and light.  Chanting this pauri has the effect of, "fights madness, deep feelings of inferiority and self-destructive behavior" (according to Yogi Bhajan). Trying to kill my shadow is self-destructive.  Whatever I do to my shadow, I do to my whole self.  This whole past year has been about reckoning with my shadow and learning to forgive myself over and over again.  In reading an article about this pauri, the author Eck Ong Kaar Kaur writes: 

The shadow forces us to face what we do not want to face, and make peace with what we do not want to acknowledge.

The beauty of Kundalini Yoga is that it brings what is unconscious into consciousness.  As I continue to dive into this pauri, it is bringing me awareness of the discomfort I have around my body.  My relationship to my body is .... dysfunctional?  It is abusive and critical.  From age 5, I learned to say disparaging comments to myself particularly about my physical appearance and body.  I learned to see myself as ugly and to see my body as abnormal and unpleasant for other people to look at.  I learned ways to manage my body; abusive words, controlled disordered eating, and covering myself up and trying to camouflage my fleshy big legs and soft belly.  

Trying to hide is exhausting.  I am still hiding at age 34, the same hiding I did at age 7.  A friend asked me tonight, "What would be the opposite of hiding?"....I responded "Letting myself be seen, not controlling what others see in me".  I feel scared writing this.  A part of myself is judging myself right now, "Shirley, this is everyone's story - you sound so basic writing about being seen!" It is true, this experience is probably very relatable to many human beings, and it is okay that I am sharing my experience.  I have wanted to kill this story and experience for years.  I have wanted to overcome it.  Today as I write though, overcoming feels like a part of the abuse cycle.  I wonder what acceptance could be like.

I think I am hiding from others, but the truth is most people probably can see all this that I am writing about.  Most people who know me probably can see or sense my insecurities, my desperate attempts to hide and my discomfort with my body.  This pauri is bringing to light that the person I am trying to hide from so often is myself.  I don't want to see me, my shadow, or my light.  I want to see fragments that I can criticize.  I am familiar with being critical toward myself.  It scares me to see my shadow, to see God and the brilliance of my psyche dancing as this shadow.

I don't know what to do from here.  I don't know what will happen.  I am not sure I will ever have a  sweet, unconditionally loving healthy relationship with my body.  I also think it is okay that I don't.  What seems most important right now is that I just make space to see myself and practice seeing myself and taking myself in.  Taking it ALL in...flaws and all.  Taking it all in, God and all.

May your full moon be full of permission to take your full self in - your shadow, your light - your stories - your relationships; taking it all in as it is now with judgement or without, but just allowing it to be so that you can see yourself, the same way you see the full moon; as magical, powerful, and whole.

 

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